anticipated weekend

most people look forward to the weekend primarily to relax. I for one welcome it as a chance to catch up on lost sleep. Saturday is when I make the most out of the day dozing off. I get off bed around noon or slightly past it and, after a light lunch, I am likely to hit the sack again for a couple more hours. For some weekend is about going home. I go home everyday but the days of this past workweek , I've been eagerly anticipating home. The recent turn of events made staying at the office or just staying outside excruciating. Good thing this much welcomed weekend allows me to get away from it all. To get away from the reminders.

This is the first weekend since hearing from Bibe the news. How I anticipated going home each day of the past workweek pales in comparison to how much I anticipated this weekend. 2 days to collect myself. 2 days to brace myself for the coming week ahead. I acknowledge it ain't gonna be easy but how I am truly thankful the weekend came right away.

A good proximity of the area outside the office is somewhere I try to keep myself away from. The coffehouses, the italian resto, the dessert bar, the vietnamese resto, the persian resto, the walkway leading to the parking lot, the facade of the commercial building, the rustic famous local cafe, the perfume shop, the donut store, even the revel bars and brownies on the go spell B-I-B-E all over. That is why I quickly flag a taxi upon stepping outside the office building so I could speed off in a jiffy.

Damn, why do I even have to write this blog? Oh yes, I need to cause doing so will make the proverbial bitter pill taste more like a flintstone chewable. It's part of the acceptance. Reflections I dish out will ease the recovery. I've to acknowledge the situation. A blog will help me iron things out. This blog is a good substitute to sharing to a friend my sentiments. I don't have a 24-7 confidante I just don't. I hope that writing will serve the supposed therapeutic effect. Walking does the same, provides a calming effect but I can't walk at this ungodly hour.

4 am again but it's ok. I slept majority of Saturday. At work I'm currently spearheading a new project which is kinda neat cause I get to start from scratch as opposed to picking up an existing one and modifying it. The end result will get my name affixed to the project so years later when people look back at it they would either say "We inherited that guy's flaws" or "That guy made our new project easier".

Ok that last paragraph did a pretty good job of diverting my attention. Yes, staying at home this weekend insulates me from all them fucking reminders. Blocking my mind via the cloud airbag method works specially well at the office where I'm most vulnerable but at home, I can just simply play in my mind " the world I know" by collective soul (though that David Cook did a nice version in making it his own). Yes I have collective soul and two Heart hits in my phone cum MP3 player. I'm a love/sentimental song guy. Not quite masculine but it is the kind of music I grew up listening. Collective soul being an alternative rock band kinda butches it up a bit doesn't it? Threes songs....just three songs which I play repeatedly.


" I hear the ticking of the clock Im lying here the room's pitch dark. I wonder where you are tonight no answer on the telephone". Alone by Heart ups the sentimental bar a bit. Yes it reminds me of Bibe but not that much. I be more like wallowing if I play " I don't wanna lose your love" .
" Till now I always got by on my own, I never really cared til I met you. And now it chills me to the bone. How do I get you alone? How do I get you alone?" ......Now that Bibe is with John Doe will I ever? This is all too cheesy as I look at it but that's really how it goes. What buckles down my knees though, even while Im just sitting at the last seat of the bus (nobody beside me as I am riding it mostly around midnight...I stay at the office late), is listening to the words of the last stanza.......
" You dont know how long I have wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight. You dont know how long I have waited and I was gonna tell you tonight"....this gives me the creeps. Goosebumps. But nothing can prepare me for what follows next ."But the secret is still my own, and my love for you is still unknown.Alone"..... I miss Bibe. I should stop listening to Heart.